Solitude..

Dear Me..

Dear Me,

You might have grown up in a house where love didn't mean anything, you might have been raised in a house you could not call home. You might have not known how it feels to have a hearty conversation with the people you call family when the clock in the dining room announced dinner. I know you were silently building a volcano of pain inside of you just so that you could fight against the eruption. You always thought that you were suffering your sentence but you had the hopes of a parole.

And it's only because of that little hope that today is not the same as yesterday , that you've broken down a lot many links in the chain that bound you. Even though you have some wounds from the struggle ,even though you have lost some parts of you in bits and pieces , I want you to know that you wouldn't have been the kind of lovely you, you are today , had the circumstances been any different.

And I also want you to know that tomorrow will not be the same as today , that the chain will be shorter , that the struggles will be lesser.
I want you to know that you will not always be as lonely as you are today, that you will get back some if not all of the lost parts of you,
I want you to know that the stars one night will see you with somebody you can call your everything.

Till then why don't you sleep through the nights with that dream in your eyes ?  

Restoration...

How does one revel in the ashes when one's home has been consumed by the fire? Until now that's the question that had been plaguing her.. She has been desperately trying to build a home around her own self and her own dreams..She has been trying to restore her faith in herself..

Once upon a time....
 She had sown the seeds of friendship , nurtured them with so much of love and care that the roots spread to the depths of her heart as the saplings blossomed into something that she thought was the everlasting Amaranth.
Maybe it was the rose whose fragrance is intoxicating but beauty ephemeral ,
        It was the delicate rose that gets eroded by the slightest of winds

And now it's time to strike off the roots of a dead plant that penetrate the heart and make some space for the much longed Amaranth... 


She wants to move on , to believe that something more real and meaningful awaits her...
She wants to live and not just breathe...
She wants to have her faith in life restored ..

P.S: This post is written in a fit of mixed and conflicting emotions.

एक कीमती सा ख्वाब..

एक कीमती सा ख्वाब कोई टूटा जो है ,
 दिल के कतरे कतरे में दर्द ने डेरा बनाया हो जैसे
 जिन  अँखियों को  अब  सिर्फ अंधेरों  ने घेरा
 चढ़ते सूरज का दीदार क्या होगा उन्हें किसी सवेरा ?

एक कीमती सा ख्वाब कोई टूटा जो है ,
दूर तू बहुत दूर तो चला गया मुझसे
जुदा हो कर भी दिल से फिर जुड़ा सा क्यों है ?
एक कीमती सा ख्वाब टूटा जब है...

The lost love...

On a weekend getaway,

On the coast of Bay of Bengal

You and I had met

That’s when ‘We’ had begun

to come under the love arrest

 And then.. the weekend

 put a period to the short trip,

 heralded a common chapter

 In the lives of the newly-formed ‘We’

Our fondness for travel,

Drove us to places,

Thrust us onto single sheet

& carved our footsteps

Onto numerous new streets

Hand in hand, arms in arms,

we walked , we slept,

together for miles and miles

Then how did I underestimate

The cause of a thousand smiles?

Oh baby,

you were quick to realize

that this was not the style

Of something deemed friendship

Indeed it was far more

A rare diamond in the store

Only I was too late to understand

That If I don’t take a stand

I’d let you become a distant star.

Now as your wedding,

Initiates a long new story,

Leaves me behind in the old pages,

I do hope that they not become yellow

I do hope that you revisit them from time to time

I only hope that you think of me sometime…

I got a long long way to go...

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you

From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew

To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes, oh
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I'll move on

I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go, got a long way I know
Before I can say goodbye, before I say goodbye
To all I ever knew, to all I ever knew
I wish you the best I know, oh and all of the rest, to you
I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you

~~Def Leppard

P.S: I am finally at peace cus I know I've got nothing else to loose... 

A knight in shining armor

A lazy Sunday afternoon, there she sat in the remote corner of the rich state Library of Bangalore with the book “A knight in shining armor”  spread  on the library desk.

After a long tiresome week she had decided to free herself from the clutches of the lethal office and home rut by losing herself into a romance novel and opened the list of 10 most romantic novels on the internet. In the list the title “A knight in shining armor “caught her special attention and had almost pounced at her mind with a question mark. “?” A big question mark that had been bawling in her mind since time immemorial. “Where is my knight in shining armor??”…  She couldn’t answer the questions raised by her own tormented self but she surely could delight her strained mental faculties by reading this surreal saga. And so she reserved her Sunday at the State Library for this fascinating read. She retired to bed after uttering her usual ritual prayers and swamped by gratitude of having been able to find something to engage herself  in. 

Outside, the grey clouds scudding across the sky were in sharp contrast to the semblance of order prevailing inside the vast hall lined with book racks and with seats occupied with the readers. One such ordinary reader’s rushed eyes rummaging through the aisles for the best book that could come to his rescue for completing the report due tomorrow, fell on this carefree damsel rapt in some seemingly arousing novel. He could almost read the open pages from far with the aid of the expressions on her face. With her two brows furrowed and forehead creased with lines of anxiety she was a book easily readable to this reader at least in that second of time. She seemed to be pondering hard over the difficult answer to some easy question. 

Driven by an urgent inexplicable desire to find out the question that seemed to be etched in every line of this pretty face he advanced towards her seat with an air of casual sociability and sat in the vacant seat across hers. He spread the book in his arms on the table and started reading through the pages, intermittently taking his eyes off to scribble in his notepad. His eyes on one such flight from the notepad to the book managed to steal a view of that face with surprise and questions written all over.

The story on the open pages is to this effect:

“Help me,” she whispered, her hand on the marble hand of the sculpture. “Help me find

my Knight in Shining Armor. Help me find a man who wants me.”

“Sitting back on her heels, with her hands covering her face, Dougless began to cry harder.

After a long while, she slowly came to realize that someone was near her. When she turned

her head, a stream of sunlight coming from a high window hit metal and so blinded her that

she sat back on the stone floor with a thud. She put her hand up to shield her eyes.

Standing before her was a man, a man who appeared to be wearing  armor”

……..“Well, witch,” the man said in a deep baritone, “you have conjured me, so what now do

you ask of me?”

And then as though in extension to the story, she heard the boy seated across the table say “hi, what’s going on??” to her, to which she replied…”Oh she ‘s finally got her knight in shining armor..”  At this his lips twitched into an admiring smile, then parted to introduce himself to the lady..“

“I am Arjun”

Smiling she replied “Priya ”.

And then she suddenly put her hand up to shield her eyes from the sunlight flooding in through the windows.

Smiling,  Arjun said , “looks like the sun has driven off the clouds…”

Dazed by the coincidence of the events of the day and those in the book, Priya arranged her features into an evasive smile and dropped her eyes back to the book on the desk.

As though in response to some silent words , he said “ Carry on please, I won’t detain you from this interesting read any further”.. And waited for a second to have his eyes meet hers… but they seemed to be too glued to the pages to give so much as a passing glance to this boy who seemed to be as interested in her as she was in the story.

The light of the afternoon started fading into the dimness of the dusk as the two stories advanced , with the creaking of chairs heralding the close of the day.

“Hellooo, wind up .. fast…

we’re closing ..”

The strident voice of the library attendant snapped the only two readers left in the vast hall, out of their respective remote worlds.

Arjun and Priya slammed their books shut and rose from their seats in order to leave. In the process his eyes met hers again, and found them as blank as a white paper now.. Everything that was so clearly written in them was gone with the slam of the covers of the book.

Just when her lips started parting to say bye… the sound of his words interrupted her, “ So how was the book?”

She replied evasively “ very good, thank you”

 He smiled at her , she gave a brief concluding smile too, a smile that left him wondering about the riveting maiden , hidden behind that mask of cool civility, that appeared  so well covered and yet so persuasive and alluring…

He’ll have to find out..

To be continued.....

P.S: That's my first attempt at writing a story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Let me know through your comments if you like it.. I may write further  ;)

Wrong turn!

Pre-Script: This crap need not be paid attention.

Sometimes a wrong decision weighs so heavy on you that you seriously start doubting the whole damned relevance of your existence.

In the heat of passion, I too made a wrong decision some 6 months back and now what?? Every dream which was once flaring with the intensity of sun has died down to ashes making my entire world all black.

 Lying amongst the ashes are some vain hopes, some bizarre yearnings of playing with the hands of clock, of a beautiful past that could lead to an even prettier tomorrow-apparently my present wherein I stand, ready to trade a thousand tomorrows for a single yesterday. Yes, human desires can be so insanely vain.

Morning dreams do come true , specially when they are undesirable. My dream did come true , trust me it did. My best friend- the only one I "truly" have, gave me the sad new of the demise of my desires, and almost as soon as I realized that it was just another bad dream , I heaved a sigh of relief only to wake up to find out that it wasn't a  dream but the trailer of an ugly reality!  I failed and the same report card, as in my dreams,same down to every grade, conjured in front of my eyes, only this time it was real.

I have been mourning for too long, my benumbed intellectual faculties have been burning on the pyre of my dear dreams from a long long time. My wimpy frame cries out loud for a colorful attire. The wings which once dreamed of touching the acme of success have been clipped by the cruel hands of failure. The continual flapping of the wings and the accompanying moan disheartens like nothing else on the surface of this meaningless earth.

I am sick and tired of wallowing but I understand that no one else is responsible for my sorry state of affairs but me. I am the writer of my own misfortune, slayer of my own tomorrows. How, I wish I could be a redeemer too. How I wish I could re-write this awful chapter of my life. But reality shouts back at such vain hopes over and over again, I can’t do so!

As I stand still, watching the cremation of my own miserable-self, I can see a crazy brave fiber yet untouched by the blazing cinders, I wonder if it’s going to survive long enough to regenerate a new life out of the ashes.

May a mere hope breathe life into an otherwise dead frame –whispers a demented soul!

P.S: I wish to believe that desires die, but dreams can be protected , if hope is made to survive despite all odds. I pray, may every broken-heart have its hope intact, alive..

My take on "Death Penalty Abolishment"

While Mohammad Ajmal Amir Kasab rests in his grave, the world is busy mulling over the answer to the moot question posed by his death: Should death penalty be abolished?

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR):

According to Article 1 of UDHR

"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood."

Rightly so, all humans are born free and equal in dignity and rights but can it be justifiably said that all of them are endowed with reason and conscience?

After witnessing plethora of earth-shattering murders and atrocities in a country believing in such high precepts of human rights, will it be really coherent on the part of any human being in full possession of his faculties to give the aforementioned lines any credence? Are these people who are supposedly “brain-washed” and thence go around killing innocent people, eligible human beings, fit to enjoy the Human Rights? Just because they look like all the other human beings when in fact they do not seem to possess even a shred of humanity does not make the answer to the above question a reasonable YES.

Why the death sentence was correct in Kasab's Case:

Some people believe that the person on whom the death sentence has been pronounced may turn out to be an innocent human being after he is dead, leaving us in a very sorry situation by compelling us to think that we actually stained humanity in his blood. While that is a very coherent explanation for supporting the abolishment of capital punishment, does it really hold water in absolutely transparent cases like that of Kasab?

Also some people propose that Kasab was “brain-washed”, when he was young and thence became a criminal. The canons of humanity dictate that we should give him a chance to transform himself from a savage beast to a civilized saint. Well, if that is the case then the same reason also governs that no one on mother earth should be punished for any offense he/she commits for no one is born a criminal and everyone has a reason like Kasab had.

India: A Soft Nation

Let me refresh your memory by mentioning some unforgettable headlines from the past:

The Mumbai Terrorist Attack, 29th November 2008, claims the lives of over 250 innocent people, leaving over 208 people seriously wounded.

Mumbai Train blast: 209 people killed and over 700 injured.

September 13, 2008 Delhi bombings more than 30 people killed and over 100 injured.

We never really got the chance to witness any effort made by the Human Rights Group, overtly or covertly, to prevent this menace from spreading like a wild fire, let alone curb it.

Either we are used to these kinds of appalling things or we being a soft nation do not wish to take any extreme/serious action to strike off the crime and terror from its very roots. Even the UN General Assembly that passed a draft resolution seeking abolition of the death penalty was quite quick in making its voice heard in this regard but there has always been a grave silence in the wake of terrorist attacks, be it in Mumbai or Delhi. I fail to understand, why?

The resolution was not honored by India and rightly so, for she has done everything constitutionally and within the framework. This audacious and confident move on the part of India heralds that even a soft nation can be unforgiving in the face of unpardonable and deplorable acts of violence.

It is understandable that the purpose behind punishment is to discourage crime among the citizens of the country and Kasab’s execution is a Legal Murder which shall serve as a lesson to all and sundry in the realms of crime, even to those who are supposedly brain washed.

His last statement: “Allah kasam maaf kar do, aisi galti dobara nahi karunga” should have been televised in order for all the terrorists to see the ultimate end of a horrendous drama.

Undoubtedly, India is a land, graced by the indelible presence of great people like Gandhi,
whose only weapon was non-violence and by the likes of the dauntless Ahilya Bai holkar.
Nonetheless, the same Gandhi gave us the slogan “Karo ya maro” and the same kind Ahilya bai didn’t refrain from denying her arms the comfort and warmth of her only son by laying him under an elephant’s feet, on account of  his unpardonable behavior.

The noose of death in this fable has strangled an incorrigible criminal and what follows is, plethora of voices howling over the abolition of capital punishment. Why?

The nation should wake up and smell the coffee, for the common man now yearns to breathe and not gasp in the wake of trepidation. We cannot keep sacrificing thousands of innocent lives so as to protect the “human right of a terrorist” who is hardly a human.

Let’s think once more before abolishing death penalty which is given only for “Rarest of Rare" cases and especially for such crystal clear ones.


Written in collaboration with Neha Jain (my flatmate) for "The Hindu" open page.

pyaar bhara geet.

एक प्यार भरा गीत सुनते हुए तेरा ख्याल इस  दिल को जब  आया ,
निकल पड़ा ये कमबख्त भी अल्फाजों की एक हँसी तलाश पर ,
खूब भटका इधर -उधर , मगर न ढूंढ़ पाया वो कुछ चंद लफ्ज़ ,
जो दिल में तेरे इस कदर उतर जाए,
के तेरे नैनो से बरसे सिर्फ मुहब्बत का सुरूर ,
तेरे खामोश ओंठ बस गायें प्यार का वो एक नया नगमा,
जिसकी धुन पे थिरके , ये सारी मुहब्बत की दुनिया ,
जिसको सुनके बिछड़े हुए हरएक  दिल को,
 अपना कोई प्यारा सा साथी याद आ जाए

एक प्यार भरा गीत सुनते हुए तेरा ख्याल इस  दिल को जब  आया ,
उसमें बसे तेरे हसीं चेहरे को ही बस पाया ,
मगर फिर भी ना ढूंढ़ पायी वो चंद लफ्ज़ ,
जो दिल में तेरे इस कदर उतर जाएं ,
के तू ये दास्ताँ-ए -मुहब्बत समझ पाए

inspired by the song : "saanu tere naal ho gaya pyaar meri gal sun le soniye.."