Sometimes or shall I say that most of the time, I am not privy to whatever it is that’s flowing within me. My thoughts are in complete mess and there’s so much vacillation as to whether my interest lay here or over there.
I fall for people I’ve not known for long very easily and the next moment I start hating myself for thinking about them, almost to the point of distraction, for caring about them with a passion so demented that no person on this entire earth , in full possession of his faculties would deem justifiable.
I have always dreamt of becoming a strong independent, successful woman in love with this wonderful thing called life and yet I feel like a blind girl stumbling in the dark, waiting for someone to lend me a stick at least , if the support of a hand is too much to ask for…
I have always wanted to believe that a girl doesn’t need a man to complete her and yet, most of the time , I like to go against my own tenets allowing myself to fall for that “someone”, I like for no reason at all, so blatantly.
I have always preferred books over humans, love in imagination, not in reality…but now I find myself caught in the tangles of an age where loneliness kills. I feel like a prisoner confined in the territory of my own longing waiting for destiny to launch my debut into the world of reality….just as I see it in the precincts of imagination.
Life is very uncertain, I hear people say and I have always loved it for the sheer improbability which is so typical of it but sometime I find myself gasping for air in the vacuum of an uncertain future.
I have always wanted to believe that I know myself and love myself for who I am, but sometimes when I look back, I find absolutely nothing that would make me believe in the beauty of my own reveries..
Sure, life is complicated for one simple reason that there’s a huge difference between what we think we want and what we actually want from our life and because of so many other complicated ones which always elude my mental faculties …