Soliloquy, Anger, Hurt

तन्हाई

 

शब्द तो तन्हाई भी बोलती है ,
दिल की गहराइयों में एक घर है जो,
उसमे खामोश कविताएं रचती है 

जब घर भर जाए, कोई नज़र ना आए 
तब आँखों में  झलकती है 
ओठों पर वो सिसकती गिरती है 

उन ओठों से आज उसको पी ले तू 
प्यासी पंक्तियों का आज मेघ बन जा तू 
रूह पे आज सुकूं बन बरस जा तू 

तनहा दिल  की तन्हाई आज फना कर दे तू। 

Come...

Come..

Come, dress up the longing nude pages with poetry,
            Come , awaken the poet in me...
Come , give words to my silence,
            Come , order the chaotic mind...

Come...

Come to light in the dark of the night ,
           look into my soul through the windows of your eyes,
Come hold my hand,
          let's build heaven on earth
Come let's breathe love,
           come, let's live love..

Come , undress my soul,
            Come, be my ALL..

Solitude..

Dear Me..

Dear Me,

You might have grown up in a house where love didn't mean anything, you might have been raised in a house you could not call home. You might have not known how it feels to have a hearty conversation with the people you call family when the clock in the dining room announced dinner. I know you were silently building a volcano of pain inside of you just so that you could fight against the eruption. You always thought that you were suffering your sentence but you had the hopes of a parole.

And it's only because of that little hope that today is not the same as yesterday , that you've broken down a lot many links in the chain that bound you. Even though you have some wounds from the struggle ,even though you have lost some parts of you in bits and pieces , I want you to know that you wouldn't have been the kind of lovely you, you are today , had the circumstances been any different.

And I also want you to know that tomorrow will not be the same as today , that the chain will be shorter , that the struggles will be lesser.
I want you to know that you will not always be as lonely as you are today, that you will get back some if not all of the lost parts of you,
I want you to know that the stars one night will see you with somebody you can call your everything.

Till then why don't you sleep through the nights with that dream in your eyes ?  

Restoration...

How does one revel in the ashes when one's home has been consumed by the fire? Until now that's the question that had been plaguing her.. She has been desperately trying to build a home around her own self and her own dreams..She has been trying to restore her faith in herself..

Once upon a time....
 She had sown the seeds of friendship , nurtured them with so much of love and care that the roots spread to the depths of her heart as the saplings blossomed into something that she thought was the everlasting Amaranth.
Maybe it was the rose whose fragrance is intoxicating but beauty ephemeral ,
        It was the delicate rose that gets eroded by the slightest of winds

And now it's time to strike off the roots of a dead plant that penetrate the heart and make some space for the much longed Amaranth... 


She wants to move on , to believe that something more real and meaningful awaits her...
She wants to live and not just breathe...
She wants to have her faith in life restored ..

P.S: This post is written in a fit of mixed and conflicting emotions.

एक कीमती सा ख्वाब..

एक कीमती सा ख्वाब कोई टूटा जो है ,
 दिल के कतरे कतरे में दर्द ने डेरा बनाया हो जैसे
 जिन  अँखियों को  अब  सिर्फ अंधेरों  ने घेरा
 चढ़ते सूरज का दीदार क्या होगा उन्हें किसी सवेरा ?

एक कीमती सा ख्वाब कोई टूटा जो है ,
दूर तू बहुत दूर तो चला गया मुझसे
जुदा हो कर भी दिल से फिर जुड़ा सा क्यों है ?
एक कीमती सा ख्वाब टूटा जब है...

The lost love...

On a weekend getaway,

On the coast of Bay of Bengal

You and I had met

That’s when ‘We’ had begun

to come under the love arrest

 And then.. the weekend

 put a period to the short trip,

 heralded a common chapter

 In the lives of the newly-formed ‘We’

Our fondness for travel,

Drove us to places,

Thrust us onto single sheet

& carved our footsteps

Onto numerous new streets

Hand in hand, arms in arms,

we walked , we slept,

together for miles and miles

Then how did I underestimate

The cause of a thousand smiles?

Oh baby,

you were quick to realize

that this was not the style

Of something deemed friendship

Indeed it was far more

A rare diamond in the store

Only I was too late to understand

That If I don’t take a stand

I’d let you become a distant star.

Now as your wedding,

Initiates a long new story,

Leaves me behind in the old pages,

I do hope that they not become yellow

I do hope that you revisit them from time to time

I only hope that you think of me sometime…

I got a long long way to go...

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you

From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew

To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes, oh
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I'll move on

I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go, got a long way I know
Before I can say goodbye, before I say goodbye
To all I ever knew, to all I ever knew
I wish you the best I know, oh and all of the rest, to you
I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you

~~Def Leppard

P.S: I am finally at peace cus I know I've got nothing else to loose... 

A knight in shining armor

A lazy Sunday afternoon, there she sat in the remote corner of the rich state Library of Bangalore with the book “A knight in shining armor”  spread  on the library desk.

After a long tiresome week she had decided to free herself from the clutches of the lethal office and home rut by losing herself into a romance novel and opened the list of 10 most romantic novels on the internet. In the list the title “A knight in shining armor “caught her special attention and had almost pounced at her mind with a question mark. “?” A big question mark that had been bawling in her mind since time immemorial. “Where is my knight in shining armor??”…  She couldn’t answer the questions raised by her own tormented self but she surely could delight her strained mental faculties by reading this surreal saga. And so she reserved her Sunday at the State Library for this fascinating read. She retired to bed after uttering her usual ritual prayers and swamped by gratitude of having been able to find something to engage herself  in. 

Outside, the grey clouds scudding across the sky were in sharp contrast to the semblance of order prevailing inside the vast hall lined with book racks and with seats occupied with the readers. One such ordinary reader’s rushed eyes rummaging through the aisles for the best book that could come to his rescue for completing the report due tomorrow, fell on this carefree damsel rapt in some seemingly arousing novel. He could almost read the open pages from far with the aid of the expressions on her face. With her two brows furrowed and forehead creased with lines of anxiety she was a book easily readable to this reader at least in that second of time. She seemed to be pondering hard over the difficult answer to some easy question. 

Driven by an urgent inexplicable desire to find out the question that seemed to be etched in every line of this pretty face he advanced towards her seat with an air of casual sociability and sat in the vacant seat across hers. He spread the book in his arms on the table and started reading through the pages, intermittently taking his eyes off to scribble in his notepad. His eyes on one such flight from the notepad to the book managed to steal a view of that face with surprise and questions written all over.

The story on the open pages is to this effect:

“Help me,” she whispered, her hand on the marble hand of the sculpture. “Help me find

my Knight in Shining Armor. Help me find a man who wants me.”

“Sitting back on her heels, with her hands covering her face, Dougless began to cry harder.

After a long while, she slowly came to realize that someone was near her. When she turned

her head, a stream of sunlight coming from a high window hit metal and so blinded her that

she sat back on the stone floor with a thud. She put her hand up to shield her eyes.

Standing before her was a man, a man who appeared to be wearing  armor”

……..“Well, witch,” the man said in a deep baritone, “you have conjured me, so what now do

you ask of me?”

And then as though in extension to the story, she heard the boy seated across the table say “hi, what’s going on??” to her, to which she replied…”Oh she ‘s finally got her knight in shining armor..”  At this his lips twitched into an admiring smile, then parted to introduce himself to the lady..“

“I am Arjun”

Smiling she replied “Priya ”.

And then she suddenly put her hand up to shield her eyes from the sunlight flooding in through the windows.

Smiling,  Arjun said , “looks like the sun has driven off the clouds…”

Dazed by the coincidence of the events of the day and those in the book, Priya arranged her features into an evasive smile and dropped her eyes back to the book on the desk.

As though in response to some silent words , he said “ Carry on please, I won’t detain you from this interesting read any further”.. And waited for a second to have his eyes meet hers… but they seemed to be too glued to the pages to give so much as a passing glance to this boy who seemed to be as interested in her as she was in the story.

The light of the afternoon started fading into the dimness of the dusk as the two stories advanced , with the creaking of chairs heralding the close of the day.

“Hellooo, wind up .. fast…

we’re closing ..”

The strident voice of the library attendant snapped the only two readers left in the vast hall, out of their respective remote worlds.

Arjun and Priya slammed their books shut and rose from their seats in order to leave. In the process his eyes met hers again, and found them as blank as a white paper now.. Everything that was so clearly written in them was gone with the slam of the covers of the book.

Just when her lips started parting to say bye… the sound of his words interrupted her, “ So how was the book?”

She replied evasively “ very good, thank you”

 He smiled at her , she gave a brief concluding smile too, a smile that left him wondering about the riveting maiden , hidden behind that mask of cool civility, that appeared  so well covered and yet so persuasive and alluring…

He’ll have to find out..

To be continued.....

P.S: That's my first attempt at writing a story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Let me know through your comments if you like it.. I may write further  ;)